Logical Sadness

Support

This one is tricky.  Everyone needs support.  The reality is many people can't handle nor give the support that one needs when they feel they've hit the bottom.  For that, we feel alone, rejected, and betrayed which can spiral out of control into a deeper depression.  

My husband reached out for a dear friend to take my step-daughter for the weekend so I can get well.  My daughter begged me this morning to join the girls and she missed her sister.  I reached out for their mother and asked if she would take her for a few hours this morning while my husband and her husband went to a vintage car show.  She responded saying she's too busy for another child and called her husband.  Jon came back immediately and could tell something was wrong.  "She is afraid to have any contact with you for she has PTSD and doesn't want to be around someone that may trigger negative emotions."  She was a victim herself of abuse as a child and sides with victims, which she considers my husband and step-daughter victims.  She's afraid of me and doesn't want herself or her children around me.  Period.

I cried.  Hard.  But these were real tears with real feelings and just plain real.  Hey, at least I know what real and logical sadness feels like.  I felt so human as Jon is holding me and bailed on her husband to hold and support me.  I sat on his lap and cried.  I held him tight and told him i'm sorry for everything.  Everything I've put him through.  Everything I've said.  Every name i've called him.  Every fucking thing i've ever done to him (that I can remember, that is).  I told him he is the manliest man I've ever met, even manlier than my dad.  If you knew the things I've said to him, you would know how much this meant to him.  

Support.  We have each other.  We have my mom (she also battles PTSD and just as "manly" as Jon for putting up with it).  We have God.  That's all we need and the rest will fall in line, right?  As I sat on his lap sobbing, we felt grateful for my mom and we prayed to the other man that is supporting us.   My husband and her husband will remain great friends but we are not family friends.  And that's OK.  

Comments

  1. pennyeyesJuly 23, 2016 at 12:24 PM

    Awww girl. I'm about to cry reading this. :'( you're on your way to easier times. Hang in there.

    ReplyDelete

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