MoodyJesse

Catching Up! The yard looks great and landscaping is thriving.  We even got most of the siding done on the side of the house this past weekend!  We had a great night with friends Friday (darts and karaoke) and Mojo came over for most of the day Sunday.  I forgot how nice it was to call her up and... she's there!  Even helped us with the siding.  What a gal!  :)  All I need to do is finish cleaning the house and get some groceries.  Starting the morning with coffee, blogging my thoughts and diving into the "self help" books Mom sent me.  Jon and I dove into "The Five Love Languages of Children."  Love it!  I need to work extra hard at filling my stepdaughter's love tank.  We think her love languages are words of affirmation and quality time.  What can I specifically do to fill her love tank? Compliment!  Your hair looks pretty today, Your good at..., thank you for..., I love you's,  Spend time together!  At least one game a day, shopping trips toge

I opened my eyes to my husband next to me who loves me enough to stick around.  Wow, there must be something special about me.  I roll over and start to handle his man.  He says, "I'm guessing you want lovn' since it's the morning."  We hear a tiny knock at the door (come on, where did you think this was going?...#realitywithkids).  "Mommy, all the fish are dead!" About two years ago, I took the plunge into a 175 gallon South African Cichlid tank.  Back then, I was still schlepping wine and we would blow money like we were wiping our asses with dollar bills.  Makes me sick to my stomach thinking about it....as I digress.  I raised these guys from the time they were itty bitty.  They are strikingly beautiful (maybe I have mom eyes) and give me a sense of calm and peace as I watch them bully each other all over the aquarium.  Magui, Bubba, Divine, etc, yep they have names.  Jon was nervous about the tank for he didn't know if it was just a phase or

Support This one is tricky.  Everyone needs support.  The reality is many people can't handle nor give the support that one needs when they feel they've hit the bottom.  For that, we feel alone, rejected, and betrayed which can spiral out of control into a deeper depression.   My husband reached out for a dear friend to take my step-daughter for the weekend so I can get well.  My daughter begged me this morning to join the girls and she missed her sister.  I reached out for their mother and asked if she would take her for a few hours this morning while my husband and her husband went to a vintage car show.  She responded saying she's too busy for another child and called her husband.  Jon came back immediately and could tell something was wrong.  "She is afraid to have any contact with you for she has PTSD and doesn't want to be around someone that may trigger negative emotions."  She was a victim herself of abuse as a child and sides with victims, whic

I started my period.  Here's the true test if this is cyclical or not.  I made a promise to myself not to bring up the past and dig up old dirt.  For that, I don't wish to write down all the horrible things I said or did in the past two weeks. "You are who you are, and that's where you start.  Don't be dragging all that baggage from past PMDD episodes along with you.  Let go of it and start anew.  Today is a new day, today you are going to be good to yourself, if only for a few minutes" It's only day 5 of getting back on the Paxil (feels like months) for i've suffered harder these past two week more than I can ever remember.  Here's the bright side:  AWARENESS.  This is where it starts.  I found myself in fetal position dealing with the guilt of my new found awareness.  I made calls apologizing to the people I love the most and hurt.  Amy, Mojo, Tony, Mom, Anna, the list goes on (shit, i still need to tell my sister i'm sorry).  These peopl

I woke up this morning and as per usual, fixed myself a cup of coffee, fed my pets (Ralf, Kevin, and my thriving Cichlids), and threw a frisbee for Ralf (this seems to be his morning coffee to get his bowels moving.  Here's the other "as per usual"... my husband is on the couch. Research The best advice I can give to any woman thinking about marrying a man that has been previously married and has children is to research the hell out of it.  You may even decide to give up the love of your life to protect yourself and possibly your own children from all the heart aches that go along with the blended family madness. The Second Wife This is my first marriage.  First engagement.  First honeymoon.  First time saying "my husband."  First vacation with my own family.  This is not his first dog and pony show and I harbor resentment for being his "sloppy second."  What does my resentment look like?  Well, it's just plain ugly and eating me alive.