Blended Families Madness

I woke up this morning and as per usual, fixed myself a cup of coffee, fed my pets (Ralf, Kevin, and my thriving Cichlids), and threw a frisbee for Ralf (this seems to be his morning coffee to get his bowels moving.  Here's the other "as per usual"... my husband is on the couch.

Research

The best advice I can give to any woman thinking about marrying a man that has been previously married and has children is to research the hell out of it.  You may even decide to give up the love of your life to protect yourself and possibly your own children from all the heart aches that go along with the blended family madness.

The Second Wife

This is my first marriage.  First engagement.  First honeymoon.  First time saying "my husband."  First vacation with my own family.  This is not his first dog and pony show and I harbor resentment for being his "sloppy second."  What does my resentment look like?  Well, it's just plain ugly and eating me alive. 

• I'm told they rarely fought.  We seem to argue constantly at times.  Why was he more patient and kind to her?  My stepdaughter said to me once, "Why is daddy nicer to my mommy than he is to you?"  She must be a better person than me.
• We tried to conceive a baby for six months.  I was told they got pregnant the first time trying.  She must be better at having babies than me.  
• We will go weeks without sex.   I was told they had a healthy sex life.  She must be better at sex than me.
• I was told that he wasn't as miserable with his first wife.  She must be a better wife than me.

I have to keep telling myself that their marriage didn't last for a reason.  They didn't fight because they didn't communicate.  They conceived easily out of pure luck.  Deep down, I think I wanted a baby so bad because I thought it would make him love me as much as he did her.  Maybe he thought having sex once/twice a month was healthy.   He may have been less miserable with her but that doesn't mean he's not happier at times with me.

First Wife's Child

I thought I needed a husband that was a dad because I was a single mother with a 15 month old and wanted someone that understood what it was like to have a child.  I remember my first encounter like it was just yesterday.  I went to his house for a play date (just the 3 of us, Lyla wasn't with me).  I watched as he and his daughter jumped on the trampoline.  I loved watching him hold her as they were flying in the air.  Seeing daddy and daughter together warmed my heart.  I LOVE these two.  :)  Then, Jon went inside and I climbed up on the trampoline and sat next to her.  She stared at me with these big beautiful doe eyes that didn't seem to blink.  She didn't have much to say, if anything, for she was studying every part of me.  She even said to me recently (years later).  "Remember when I was staring at you on the trampoline?  I was like, who is this girl and why is she with my dad?"  To this day, she stares at me, a lot.  Jon always says it's because she thinks i'm beautiful.  

Worst Stepmom Alive

I feel like this whenever my stepdaughter is around.  The only sense of self, peace and feel like i'm a good person is when she's not around.  What I just said is extreme for it's not entirely true.  There have been countless days when Evie and I are together and we have a great time and make some truly fantastic memories together.  

• We went to Typhoon Lagoon together in Florida.  Just her and I.  Lyla came down with a terrible stomach bug and Jon's stomach was acting up again.  Evie had waited for this day to come for months and even saved her butt off to buy her own ticket.  She see's her Dad hunched over in pain and knows what it's like to hang with Dad when he's got a belly ache.  He needs to rest, take it easy, and he's more irritable than normal (and who wouldn't be!).  When Jon leaves to get Lyla medicine, she says something like this:  Jessica, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but I want you to go to Typhoon Lagoon with me.  Will you ask Lyla if it would be OK?  I don't want to hurt her feelings either and take her mommy away.  I'm really scared I'm going to hurt Daddy's feelings too.  I said something to the effect of:  "Tell ya what, you talk to your Dad and I will talk to Lyla.  I don't think anyone's feelings will be hurt."  Turned out Jon and Lyla were in so much pain neither of them gave a shit.  "Have fun!"  And that we did.  I never felt annoyed once (not getting annoyed with a kid at a Disney amusement park is pretty much absurd)!  It was so incredibly easy.  She ran the show.  You want to get in the lazy river?  Fine.  Ready for slides?  Cool.  Want to get drug under the water by the massive tidal wave pool?  Go for it.  I remember watching her drag her own tube up the stairs and feeling so proud that she hadn't complained or whined once.  We even laughed and joked together.  She knows I have this really weird phobia about snorkeling.  "Come on, just do it!"  As she's laughing at me and dragging me through the park to danger zone.  Well, I did it.  She had a ball and loved looking at all the beautiful fish swimming about.  I didn't even put the mask on and dog paddled across the top of the water. 
• I took Lyla and Evie to Coney Island about a month ago.  I remember feeling like a good Mom/role model that day.  The girls played while I watched them from the side and sunbathed. When it was time for lunch, we grab our lunch from the car and sit in the picnic area outside the pool.  I brought yogurt with me, which Evie now loves (thanks to my perseverence and offering it to her time after time).  It makes me feel like I've done something right and I smile and tell them how proud I am of eating things that are good for them.  As we're eating, I notice a girl across the way dumping rocks and dirt on a girls head that was much smaller then her and she was sitting there, taking it.