MoodyJesse

I opened my eyes to my husband next to me who loves me enough to stick around.  Wow, there must be something special about me.  I roll over and start to handle his man.  He says, "I'm guessing you want lovn' since it's the morning."  We hear a tiny knock at the door (come on, where did you think this was going?...#realitywithkids).  "Mommy, all the fish are dead!" About two years ago, I took the plunge into a 175 gallon South African Cichlid tank.  Back then, I was still schlepping wine and we would blow money like we were wiping our asses with dollar bills.  Makes me sick to my stomach thinking about it....as I digress.  I raised these guys from the time they were itty bitty.  They are strikingly beautiful (maybe I have mom eyes) and give me a sense of calm and peace as I watch them bully each other all over the aquarium.  Magui, Bubba, Divine, etc, yep they have names.  Jon was nervous about the tank for he didn't know if it w...

Support This one is tricky.  Everyone needs support.  The reality is many people can't handle nor give the support that one needs when they feel they've hit the bottom.  For that, we feel alone, rejected, and betrayed which can spiral out of control into a deeper depression.   My husband reached out for a dear friend to take my step-daughter for the weekend so I can get well.  My daughter begged me this morning to join the girls and she missed her sister.  I reached out for their mother and asked if she would take her for a few hours this morning while my husband and her husband went to a vintage car show.  She responded saying she's too busy for another child and called her husband.  Jon came back immediately and could tell something was wrong.  "She is afraid to have any contact with you for she has PTSD and doesn't want to be around someone that may trigger negative emotions."  She was a victim herself of abuse as a child and s...

I started my period.  Here's the true test if this is cyclical or not.  I made a promise to myself not to bring up the past and dig up old dirt.  For that, I don't wish to write down all the horrible things I said or did in the past two weeks. "You are who you are, and that's where you start.  Don't be dragging all that baggage from past PMDD episodes along with you.  Let go of it and start anew.  Today is a new day, today you are going to be good to yourself, if only for a few minutes" It's only day 5 of getting back on the Paxil (feels like months) for i've suffered harder these past two week more than I can ever remember.  Here's the bright side:  AWARENESS.  This is where it starts.  I found myself in fetal position dealing with the guilt of my new found awareness.  I made calls apologizing to the people I love the most and hurt.  Amy, Mojo, Tony, Mom, Anna, the list goes on (shit, i still need to tell my sister i'm sor...